A few weeks back, Seth and Josh Meyers came to town to revisit their old improv stomping ground, Boom Chicago. Seth has become very famous on Saturday Night Live, and Josh was on a show I like called Mad TV, in which he occasionally played a crazed Dutchman named Geert (with the exellent euroshite-disco spoof track "Dingle Dangle Song")=

Anyway, we made a last-minute decision to go and it was great - the best part for me was when they did an improv based on the Dating Game and asked for a Dutchman's business card to base one of the characters around - no one volunteered, but Josh saw me hesitating, and urged me to give mine up - I'm not really Dutch but have a Dutch-ish last name and a business in Amsterdam, so it worked out - and so Josh Meyers, using his Geert voice and character, pretended to be ME in a Dating Game show - Damon the Dutch sound engineer - he came out with my exact same glasses, which got a big laugh - but luckily spared my crap hair and put on the eccentric curly-haired Dutch wig, and every minute, would throw away a mobile phone. I was totally dying as he took the piss out of my profession and business, proclaiming "Yesh, I am the beshtest audio engineer in the Netherlands!! If it rocked - ik heb het gemaakt!!!" - apparently I shagged Ellen ten Damme on the studio floor recently as well!! Here are some pix I managed to sneak - I would have filmed the whole Dating Game thing, but the iphone, for all its wonderfulness, does NOT have video capability!!! He's the guy with the red tie - after the show, he even came up to me and thanked me for giving him the card - and I felt compelled to speak back to him in a fake Dutch accent....

During the performance, Seth Meyers did his "Saturday Night Live" news bit, using jokes which NBC had rejected because they were too "extreme"......and they were bloody hilarious - it's apparent that SNL isn't so great because they have bad writers, but possibly because they are too restrained due to the network/puritanical network affiliation=

Police: take photo of strange people

4 January 2009 – The police have sent residents of the Oostenburg neighbourhood a letter asking them to take photos of people who should not be there or who are ‘different’. It wants to restore social control and prevent burglaries.

A police spokesperson told het Parool what people should be looking for: “Does anything out of the ordinary happen? Is someone in the neighbourhood behaving conspicuously? Are there people who are different, people who normally shouldn’t be there? Also look if people display searching behaviour, look into car windows. Is anyone acting strangely?”

The initiative was an idea of a trainee policeman who noticed a rise in car burglaries in the new Funenpark residential area.

In the future, the police want to set up a tool to store and analyse submitted photos automatically. Among other things, the tool should assess whether the photos are genuine. Information about the person who submitted the photo will be stored as well.

Been feeling unusually Christmas-y this year...maybe it's due to being outside America - in the States, you're bombarded with consumerism, and the newspapers and newscasts seem to think it's *important* to report how retailers are doing - as if Walmart's profit margin is the determining factor as to whether this is a good Christmas or not!! I watched Fox News last week and a "reporter" actually said something like "we'll know next week whether Walmart's Christmas wishes will come true or not" - it's Christmas wish of selling crap to people who are in a recession so it's top execs can take home billion dollar bonuses????? Anyhow, while there is of course consumerism in the Netherlands, it's much more mellow - and I've been surprised (and relieved) how unusually friendly and upbeat people in shops are. Someone actually said "Sorry!" when almost ramming their shopping cart into me at Albert Heijn - this is unheard of!!!! Normally when I've been in the US, I come back to NL after Christmas and am immediately disgusted by the rude and impolite behaviour of people, but it seems different this year - maybe the coming recession is in fact humbling people?? For the first time, we got a Christmas tree and decided to make a turkey! There's only 2 of us (plus the animals), so we didn't need a big one, but there was a misunderstanding at the butcher. They asked me if I wanted to 2.5-3 pound turkey.....they said "pound" so I assumed they had heard my American accent and were kindly converting from metric for me, even though in truth, I have lived here so long I have completely forgotten non-metric measurements and don't have a clue how warm or cold 70 degrees fahrenheit is anymore. Anyway, I show up at the butcher and the turkey was in fact 3 KILOS! A big bird!! This will be the first attempt at cooking a turkey, so it will indeed be interesting - hope it works out. I imagine there will be quite a few turkey sandwiches in our future (which will taste great on maisbrood!). On the downside, my Dad has been quite ill lately and I just discovered my cousin, who was strangely born the exact same day and year I was, has breast cancer - all the bad things in my family seem to happen around Christmas time (among other things, another cousin died two days before Christmas back in the 80s), so I do get a bit nervous this time of year. anyhow, happy holidays - whatever it is you celebrate, be it Hannukah, Kwanza, Christmas, or just enjoying a few days off :-)

I guess I fulfill one of the American stereotypes, but I do love a good burger. And those are not easy to come by on this side of the Atlantic, but one place that does them well is Boom Chicago. With plans to attend the Monday night Pub Quiz, I also planned on partaking on a burger, so I starved myself all day so I'd be nice and hungry! The tram was delayed and I got there slightly after 8pm, only to discover that the kitchen had closed 1 minute ago! This wasn't good, as not only was I starving, but I didn't want to drink the inevitable beers on an empty stomach. My group told me to run over to Burger King really quick (a French person suggesting BK - there's a first!), so, though it's not my favourite place, I ran over to BK, which is strategically located next door to a "coffeeshop", thus catering greatly to stoned people with the munchies. People don't form queues here in The Netherlands, it's more like a herd of elephants, and if you are polite like me, it can make getting served next to impossible. At one point, the guy called to me, but discovered there was someone before me, and retracted his offer. It was taking too long, so I left (as I often do in The Netherlands if it looks like I'll never get served) and discovered my only super-quick food option was oliebolen (oily balls, kind of like donuts). So I took two and headed back. One of my quiz group was so disgusted as the concept that I had to eat oliebolen for dinner that he kindly offered me some of his burger, which he had luckily ordered 1 minute before 8pm. Unfortunately, as he tore off my piece, I discovered a minute later that he had in fact missed the burger completely and torn off a bunch of the bun. Again, my polite nature made it impossible for me to point this out, so I enjoyed a nice tasty bun and some oily balls. Now that burgers were on the brain, I decided to head back to Burger King after the quiz - I'm much more patient with queues when I've had a few nice beers :-) I waited a few minutes and then - voila! I was being served. I ordered my burger and the slightly embarrassed cashier responded that they had run out of buns (!), so they couldn't make any more burgers. I realized that it was just not meant to be, this day. Maybe God was intervening to keep my heart healthier (sure, with oily balls and beer!). Well, living in Holland over the years has taught me to live with disappointment, so I made my merry way home. Next time, I'll get there before 8 and all shall be well.

My Mom just sent me this - little did she realize I did send it my absentee ballot request (a bit late so who knows if I'll get it), but also discovered they don't usually count absentee ballots for the actual election unless it's a very close race.

Recently saw Mike Judge's film, Idiocracy. Though supposedly taking place 500 years in the future, it actually seems a bit like current-day Amsterdam to me. This is the plot=

Idiocracy is a 2006 American dark comedy directed by Mike Judge, and starring Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. The two main characters sign up for a military hibernation experiment that goes awry, and they awaken 500 years in the future. They discover that the world has devolved into a dystopia where marketing, commercialism, and cultural anti-intellectualism run rampant and dysgenic pressure has resulted in a uniformly stupid human society. Despite its lack of a major theatrical release, the film has achieved something of a cult following because of its satire of the “dumbing down” of contemporary society and the breakdown of individual responsibility and consequences.

It's not as good as "Office Space", but I like it for some reason - probably just that I agree with its underlying message. And the whole bit of "breakdown of individual responsibility and consequences" is something I experience on a daily basis here in Amsterdamned. If you're as cynical as me, check it out!

Always fun to compare headlines.

Hmmm, my old hood in San Francisco, 5 blocks from "home"=
(09-17) 09:51 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- A bicyclist was shot and killed early today in a normally quiet neighborhood in San Francisco's Richmond District, police said.

Amsterdam=
AMSTERDAM - Staand een biertje drinken op een terras? In Amsterdam mag dat volgens de regels niet.
Rough translation= Standing drinking a beer on a terrace?? In Amsterdam, according to the rules, that's not allowed.

Amsterdam lax on integrity - i rarely laugh out loud, but this "headline" made me do so. I would file it with statements like "Cancer can kill you".

30 August 2008 - Amsterdam is relatively lax on corruption and conflicts of interest, an international study found. Het Parool recently reported that various city council members have connections with organisations that receive subsidies from the municipality.

Amsterdam is the only Dutch municipality to have an Integrity Office (BI), but the institution has very limited powers, according to the Local Integrity Systems study quoted by het Parool and NRC Handelsblad.

The BI's activities are largely limited to prevention and seldom result in prosecutions. Further, its budget is being cut. Civil servants seldom report corruption and whistle blowers are not uniformly protected.

The study quotes an anonymous municipal manager who says that it is difficult to punish corrupt civil servants when politicians are seen to be bending the rules.

In 2007, the Accounting Office published a study that found that a number of Zuidoost district council members had personally gained from their connections with subsidised organisations. Initially there was an outcry, but eventually the council members were allowed to stay on.

On 20 August, het Parool reported that quite a few city council members also have connections with subsidised organisations.

For example, Ruud Nederveen (VVD) is a board member of the theatre group Dood Paard, which has applied for a subsidy out of the Arts Plan. Nederveen is also a member of the city council's Culture Committee and his party's spokesperson on this topic.

He told het Parool that he may make a statement that he is to be considered not to have voted on the Dood Paard subsidy when the Arts Plan is put to a vote. He said that he saw no reason to withdraw as culture spokesperson.

Two months ago, Anne Graumans (PvdA, photo) argued that the BI should screen all positions held by council members.

"Almost no one dares raise this issue with each other", she told Het Parool at the time. "It's a personal consideration, but that's not good enough for Amsterdammers".

The BBC show "The Office" was remade in the US and became very successful - apparently, there are also versions in Chile, France, Canada, and soon, even Russia. There's a German version too. They didn't bother telling the actual creators about it and wound up getting sued. Anyway, it too is very popular in Deutschland - here's a clip from one in which they do their version of "The Office" set in Nazi Germany - it's not funny at all, but is a bit fascinating as I don't know if I've ever seen real Germans do spoofs or comedy about this horrible period in their history. It shows how Germany is changing - until recently, it wasn't very acceptable to wave the flag or show national pride- but in recent years, during Eurocup matches, German flags fly all over the autobahn from the speeding cars. And now they can even joke about Hitler and the second World War - the times they are a-changing (again)....

Yesterday, I awoke to the sound of gunshots and police sirens, though at the moment I didn't think they were shots, just a blown tire or something (must have been groggy - tires don't blow out 9 times, do they?) . But it turns out, just down the block.....MURDER!!....One of the very few positive things about living in Holland is I always felt rather safe. Even the one time someone attempted to mug me was laughable - he claimed to have a gun, I ignored him, pushed him aside and went on my way. However, even though I live in a "good" neighbourhood, I'm beginning to wonder what's going on. Last month, a plainclothes police agent was shot to death by a man who was driving erratically and was actually on the way to murder his girlfriend .... the NY Pizza place up the street was robbed at gunpoint .... a nightshop owner down the street was knifed to death during a robbery.... a boxer was shot dead and we heard the shots but didn't realize what it was until the papers came out the next day....and a year or so back, a family down the block was murdered in their flat (but the man had criminal ties, so I guess that's OK, right?)....all these things are happening within a kilometre of my home!! If this was happening in the US, I think I would be VERY nervous, but for some reason, even the close proximity of these events feels distant. This is a nice family neighbourhood, but for some reason, it seems much more violent and dangerous than the squalid centre of Amsterdam where we used to live. I'm still out every night walking the dog, tuned out of the world with my ipod playing old radio dramas from 70 years ago.

Every day, I tend to throw my loose change into a big glass. The glass kept growing and growing so I decided to get some containers at the bank so I could get rid of all those pesky small coins. Unbelievable, but I wound up having over 100 euros in change!! So I deposited it and the bank clerk seemed very concerned about me and suggested I make an appointment with their supervisor. I thought maybe he saw something strange about my account, maybe I had been hacked or something - turns out they just wanted to try and sell me life insurance.

Say Please! Expats slam Dutch manners
Seen as rude abroad and in the Netherlands

By Frank Driessen and Vanessa Deij
14-07-2008
The Dutch are seen as impolite when compared to people of other nationalities. This is the most important conclusion that can be drawn from two polls among expats.
Radio Netherlands Worldwide asked 1200 Dutch people living abroad about their views on politeness in their home country. The same questions were put to 300 expats in the Netherlands in a poll carried out by Expatica.com and Ruigrok|NetPanel, a website targeting foreign residents. They were also asked about the manners of people working in particular occupations, such as bus drivers and receptionists.

The poll held in the Netherlands itself showed that people who work in the Dutch service industry, like waiters and shop employees, did not get high marks for politeness. Civil servants - workers who expats have to deal with often when they first move to the country - also get low marks. One respondent observes that the Dutch are more polite in their homes than in public:
"I think that is due to their Calvinist background. They believe everyone is equal and thus are not comfortable serving others."
Expats in the Netherlands praised the manners of receptionists, doctors, nurses and policemen, though they felt that all of these groups are actually more polite in their home countries than in the Netherlands. The only group they considered rude in their countries of origin are teenagers.

The longer expats reside in the Netherlands, the more rude they find people to be. One respondent who has lived in the Netherlands for more than ten years comments:
"I don't think the Dutch will accept criticism. Since I have been here the Dutch have become quite intolerant. Sadly, the wonderful country I came to love in 1995 no longer exists."
Forms of politeness
In one respect, all the expats agree with one another: courtesy is an important element of civilisation. Almost all (97 percent) believe this. But what is courtesy or politeness? According to expats in the Netherlands, the most important forms of politeness are:
Saying 'thank you'.
Offering to help others when you see they're experiencing problems.
Waiting in line.
Not throwing rubbish on the streets.
Holding the door open for those coming after you.

Straightforward
Expats are not completely negative about the Netherlanders. One American respondent says:
"The Dutch can be too straightforward saying-it-as-it-is. I have come to appreciate that the Dutch put their thoughts out on the table for discussion, and more often than not, they say what they mean and mean what they say. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for most Americans. Americans, in general, will go out of their way to let someone down gently because they do not want to hurt feelings or cause bad situations."
The Dutch expat
Radio Netherlands Worldwide put research questions to more than 1200 Dutch people living outside the Netherlands. These Dutch expats are dissatisfied with the behaviour of their compatriots. A majority (55 percent) find the Dutch to be less polite than other nationalities. They also say that Dutch society has become ruder since they left the Netherlands. Since moving abroad, 55 percent of the Dutch expats say they have had to learn new forms of politeness. Nevertheless, most respondents claim that they have never had misunderstandings with the local population over manners.

Change?
Both the expats in the Netherlands and the Dutch expats hope that this research will give the Dutch a useful insight into their own behaviour, which sometimes comes across as rude.
"I hope that the expat community is not presenting itself unfavorably", says an expat living in the Netherlands.
"We do have to realize that our habits and norms may not be the same as those in our country of residence. That's part of the reason we came, to experience different cultures."
Another expat hopes that this research has not been carried out just...
"to show how dissatisfied 'buitenlanders' (i.e. foreigners) feel, but also to help in the progression of unity in living. The Dutch love to say 'go home to your own country then', but that is not a solution. The Netherlands is not an island and the Dutch also live all over the world."

I was very excited last year to hear that one of my all-time favourite bands, My Bloody Valentine, was reforming after a 16-year absence. I found out too late to order tickets to London, but managed to nab a few tickets to their Glasgow show, which will happen tomorrow (July 3). But good ole Murphy's Law intervened! A big client, which we desperately need during the much-too-quiet summer, popped out of nowhere and needed a job done - and it could ONLY be done on one day - and which day could that possibly be??? Yes of course, JULY 3!!! The day I should be in Glasgow enjoying the sounds of MBV!! Never mind the rest of July is virtually empty of work - this was the only possible day he could do this job!! Even though we need the money very badly, I was secretly hoping the client would vanish, but in the end, he came through with a down payment and everything, so I had to give up the long weekend in Edinburgh/Glasgow and stay home to record a dozen Dutch people babble about epilepsy medicine. Sufficed to say, I'm a bit disappointed - maybe they'll do a normal tour of Europe next year (any excuse to go back to Berlin!). However, while reading a bit about the concerts, I learned that MBV play at a staggering 128db (the usual legal limit is 105!), and if these clips are anything to go by, maybe it's good I am giving it a miss as I might not have the ability to hear anything afterwards=